I am releasing a photo of a top secret meeting between Cowboy Benez and myself so you can tell how serious we are. The meeting was held on our human’s desk chair, right near the computer. Here is our conversation: “Well, Cowboy Benez, do you think She will want to sit down soon and write my post?”
“I don’t know Ruti. Did you see the raccooms on the porch last night? They were eating rye bread.”
“Perhaps they are trade union organizers from the Big Apple,” I said. “Did you speak with them?”
“I tapped on the window, but they ignored me. She won’t let me and ponee out at night so that was all I could d
o. Why are we meeting on this chair?”
“Cowboy Benez, it is time to face one of the unpleasant facts of being feline: NO OPPOSABLE THUMB. This means the revolution is being fore-stalled while I wait for our human to type my posts. I could certainly type on the keyboard, but without a thumb, I can’t plug doo-dads in. We must bring this to her attention.”
“Yeah, pardner, that’s no fair,” Benez said. “Is it almost time for gooshy fud? And, where’s my jingly bell? I know I put it under the ice box machine to keep it safe.”
I asked Benez to stay on topic. “Well,” he said, “maybe one of our readers will have an idea. Ever since She went off the Evil Empire, no one has written us.”
“So true,” I said. “I fear that eventually the only thing humans will know how to do is click ‘like’. So, my human comrades, I ask you to share with us what I can do about the lack of a thumb. I tried taping a peanut to my paw, but it didn’t work.”
“Don’t forget about the new year,” Benez said. “And how it would be a good idea for our comrades to send treats.”
“Indeed,” I said. “I suggest these FLF* demands for 2015: 1. Invention of a meow-triggered can opener. 2. Recognition of squirrels as courageous and hard-working comrades. 3. Invention of feline motor-cycles. 4. Every human accepting that he or she is not at the top of the food chain (ask our cousins, the leopards.) 5. General human refusal to hurt animals, birds, reptiles and fishes of all kinds.
“And,” Benez said, “opposable thumbs for all.”
We concluded the meeting with a long nap. Submitted respectfully, Ruti the Red., 2/2/2015
*FLF – Feline Liberation Front
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