Greetings, Those of You Who See the Human World and Feel Alarm and Disgust. I have heartening news today. The Cat Formerly Known as Sylvester jumped up on the desk and told our human – though it took a few minutes of intense gazing – that he found the name “Sylvester” condescending and trivializing. “I am not a cartoon,” he said, “nor a human construct.” I invited him to tell his story in his own mews. May I introduce Eddie, the Cat Formerly Known as Sylvester. 
Dear Readers, Thank you for reading my story. As some of you might know, the human auxiliary to the FLF* and her grown kitten, Matthew, met me at a corporate pet store. I lay in a metal cage and refused to look at the humans who ogled me. I turned my face to the wall and thus, was able to maintain a shred of dignity. The sign on my cage said that my name was “Sylvester” and that my “owners” had left me outside when they had moved away. The human and her kitten were appalled at the horror of that abandonment. After Matthew returned to Japan, the human visited me often. I knew she was there. One day, she didn’t just walk away. She brought me home to the FLF* compound. I was granted a new life.
After a few days of adjusting, I became more than comfortable. I find myself aiding the human in her work by sitting next to her computer and sending her messages. She called me “Sylvester” or “Sylly”, but seemed to hesitate when she said that slave-name. I began sending her messages. She and Matthew had exchange a message about his old high school, Edison Tech. He made a joke about a cat named Edison. I stared at her hard – and she knew.
I have a new life now – and a new name. I am Edison, affectionately referred to as Eddie. The human is quite fond of a witty man of conscience named Eddie Izzard. I am delighted to allow him to share my name. I suggested to Ruti, the Red, that I might pen today’s mewsing. He agreed. He is a true worker among workers.
Today’s mewsing: Where there is life and respect, there is the possibility of wet catfood. Your comrade, Eddie
*FLF: Feline Liberation Front
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