Good morning, my friends. My human heard that if you put s e x in a headline, then lots of SEOs (whatever they are) happen. But that’s not why we wrote that about hot sexy Asian girls. We opened our message box on this website to find 65 messages, twenty of them from hot sexy Asian girls, ten of them from a human named Raechel Ray and none from people we recognized.
It all seems peculiar to me since I am an altered male feline who supports the rights of sex workers, but has no use for one. This Raechel Ray human seems to be obsessed with food. I shall send her to Cowboy Benez who shares her obsession. If any of you can enlighten me about these disturbing (and clearly pandering) messages, please write me here.
News of the Revolution: Here are photos of Cowboy Benez surveilling and subduing the Weapon of Mass Destruction. If you don’t know the harrowing story of the WMD, here it is: News alert to all members of the FLF*: Today we discovered a WMD in the living-room of the compound: Miss Chi Chi and her sparkly pink snuggy. It may have not been clear in the photo, but the snuggy is covered with bright pink sequins. Miss Chi Chi was reclining on the rug in her snuggy. Suddenly, a beam of sunlight came through the window directly on her and the snuggy. Hundreds of pink laser beams shot out all over the room.
Cowboy Benez heard my gasp of surprise and came in to investigate. He dove into the pink laser dots and tried to kill every one of them – well at least ten. After a few minutes, he sat down, clearly shaken. He licked his lips, laid his ears flat and groomed himself nervously.
Our human removed the WMD from Miss Chi Chi. We all (especially Cowboy Benez) have concluded that it may be too dangerous to use. However, should the time come, it will be employed – though some of its efficacy may be diluted by the fact that it works best on whiskered beings under three feet in height. We will warn you, faithful comrades, should we be forced to deploy it.
*FLF – Feline LIberation Front
Today’s mewsing: When the shit hits the fan, wear sequins. luv, Miss Chi Chi
We have awarded Benez the Medal of Honor for his brilliant defeat of the WMD. The Medal is actually the plastic ring from inside the cap of a milk carton. He chases it until it’s time for a nap.
Today’s mewsing: Intimacy is the heart of the revolution. Internet clicks are about “connection”, not intimacy. Ruti, the Ruthless p.s., Thanks to Marty Fisk for the warm message. You are truly a loyal member of the FLF. 
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